My wife and I watched the Senate hearing today.

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford reminded me of a line Heath Ledger said in A Knight’s Tale: “I’m a knight, and I will put myself to the hazard!”

Today, I saw this brave human being, Dr. Ford, put herself to the hazard. She was triumphant. No matter what happens after this, she was triumphant. Dr. Ford told her story, in a good way, with poise, truth, and integrity. She has been placed under a brutal microscope, and received death threats, and yet she stood front and center on the national stage and spoke her truth with courage.

At the end of the evening, I stumbled across a clip from The Daily Show where Trevor Noah was commenting on specific moments of the hearing. Seeing Brett Kavanaugh address the senators was like watching a petulant child throwing a tantrum while blaming the dog for the broken dish on the kitchen floor. I kept thinking to myself, “how can anyone think that this is a good person, let alone put this person in a lifetime position of power?”

I said to my wife, “I can’t imagine that even the Republicans who will vote for Kavanaugh think he’s actually a good person and worthy of such a position.”

She reminded me that Senator Grassley (ashamed to admit I’m from Iowa because of people like him) sure seems to want to get Kavanaugh appointed.

I argued that was just politics.

After seeing Kavanaugh assume the demeanor of a very immature 17 year old boy when Senator Amy Klobuchar asked him twice if he had ever been “blackout drunk”, then dodging the question, twice, and responding, “I’m curious if you’ve ever been blackout drunk”, I simply cannot imagine that anyone believes this man should be in such a powerful position.

But I’m probably wrong.

You see, men often have power over women. It’s like Palpatine says in Revenge of the Sith: “All those who gain power are afraid to lose it.”

So maybe it makes sense that men who are afraid of losing their power would actually want someone like Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court. He presents as someone who would try to maintain male dominance.

But in this lifetime, I’ve been hardwired to rage against people who want to dominate others, especially men who try to dominate women. The fire in my Indigo soul is stoked every time I hear about or otherwise witness the sad reality of the patriarchy in action against women. That’s why I used to love teaching women’s self defense classes. All people deserve to go through this life being treated with dignity and respect. If however a man won’t take “no” for an answer, I don’t think it hurts for a woman to know how to crush an eyeball, and just how much pressure it takes to do so.

Recently, I made friends with a woman at a drum circle. As our friendship develops, and we talk, she confides that often she feels cautious around men, “because…well, you know…life.” Although she also said that she does not feel cautious around me, for which I’m thankful, I began to empathize with her feelings.

A day or two after that conversation, the gravity of her words hit me.

I sent her this message:

I remember you saying something to the effect that you are often cautious around men. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry you feel the need for that. I’m sorry because you’re very justified in feeling like that. You and every woman deserve to feel safe all the time. I’m sorry you don’t.

She thanked me for those words. Those words are not enough. I don’t know if anything will ever be enough to make up for the millennia of men treating women like second class women, forcing themselves and their power lust on them, and generally being awful human beings toward women.

During the hearing today, I watched one women with immeasurable courage, stand up and state quite clearly that she was assaulted, and that the truth had to be known.

Her example, her courage, her honoring of the truth gives me hope.

For what it’s worth Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, this author believes you.